Last month I was doing laundry when a neighbor stopped to chat. In broken English she told me that her name was Rosalie and that at 71, her age was catching up with her. "So when I feel tired, I put on my Puerto Rican music and dance a little boom-chica-boom," she said, demonstrating with a shuffle of her feet and a twist of her hips. She continued, "And I never leave my house without fixing myself up. Remember that when you're as old as me."
I haven't seen Rosalie since, but I've thought of her every day. Because when it comes to 'fixing myself up', I'm not just low maintenance but no maintenance. I let things slide partly from apathy but mostly from fear. I live in terror that the word shallow might apply to me. Eyebrows grow fuzzy, cuticles ragged, hair shapeless and lank. My sole reward is an unforgiving internal monologue with an endless supply of synonyms for 'worthless'. In beauty as in most things, I am my own worst enemy.
Here's the rub: I believe wholeheartedly in the power of personal care. For everyone else, it provides pleasure in good times and salvation in bad. For me, it's undeserved—and I imagine a lot of women struggle with the same dilemma. We're expected to exude a natural, artless radiance, yet if we devote too much time to our appearance then we're selfish and vain. The resulting catch-22 fortifies the very hunger that beauty can satisfy: our inherent desire to like (even love!) ourselves. I don't know how to break the cycle, but I suspect it starts with embracing the rituals that bring us joy, with identifying but not indulging our fear, with dancing a little boom-chica-boom no matter how tired we feel.
P.S. Lately I'm drawn to soft and simple beauty with touches of romantic pink. I'll let you know if I actually pull the trigger on anything! Image Credits: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Word. Taking time for myself means I’m not spending enough time doing all the things.
Oh my goodness…you are reading my mind!
I really do think it stems from self worth. Are we really worth the time spent beautifying and does it really make a difference? Sometimes I say yes (when I’m feeling good about myself) and sometimes I say, fuck it (when I’m feeling not so good about myself.
Catch-22
The words of Rosalie are too true! It doesn’t hurt to be low maintenance but it doesn’t hurt to have a little maintenance either. I think balance is key when getting ready.
Hi,
I just came across your blog. So cute. I think that it is super important to take time to take care of yourself, you only have one body so treat it well. And if you treat it well now, there is less you have to do later.
xo em
Love this post Anne – I think this is a daily struggle for most women. Who are we fixing ourselves up for? Us or everyone else? Do I enjoy looking nice cause it makes me feel better or I get responses from people when I don’t (“you look so tired”). I think right now, I’ll make myself up when I want to, and when I dont feel like it, I wont! That’s it, that simple. Will my feelings change? Probably, I just don’t want to feel pressured into fitting someone else’s mold about how and when women should do certain things!
Timely post for me and so much wisdom here, not the least of which is being open to unexpected messages.
I love the way you delicately unpeeled your feelings to reveal the realization that just maybe a little boom chica boom might be life’s great elixir.
I watched an interview with Yoko Ono a few days ago. She turned 80! She says she owes it to dancing!!!!
Lately I’ve been avoiding makeup, it could be the weather or just trying to be natural!
It used to be the opposite and I would not leave home without make up!! So it happend that when i will skip it ppl will tell me you look tired…. It bother me so much!! “This is my face! I just don’t have make up on” duh!! Not that i use a tone of it…. but hey it is winter timeeee I don’t get to hang by the sun!
Now I try to use minimal, I feel like I’m still young and daily makeup is not healthy for my skin, but here and there a little eyeliner and bronzer will definitely make me feel girly!!