My Favorite Meditation Resources

I've always had an anxious personality. Planning, ruminating, catastrophizing: my brain needs to control for all possible contingencies, past and future. And like the true type-A that I am, I've always applied myself rigorously to a variety of stress-reducing activities, only to find that they quickly become yet another source of stress. I scramble to fit in an exercise class and spend the whole hour worrying that I'm neglecting my work, that I'm not feeling the burn, that the girl next to me looks better in her Lululemons. Or I sit down to clear my head with a crossword puzzle then beat myself up because I don't know all the clues. For years I've tried doing something about my anxiety with no success. The only thing left to try (short of a lobotomy, which believe me has seemed tempting at times) was not doing.    

So last winter in an effort to better navigate the wilderness of my mind, I started a mindfulness practice. My routine consists of a combination of staying more present during 'autopilot' tasks—think driving and cooking—and also a near-daily seated meditation habit. I've noticed that lately it's easier to catch my mind wandering and nudge it back to the here and now. Plus it's refreshing to have given myself an assignment that has no end point and no judgements. I'll admit that I'm still as tightly wound as Keri Russell's hair circa 1998, yet there's freedom even in recognizing that state and giving myself space to exist in it. And wouldn't you know it, but I've been appreciating the happy moments more too—and that's reason enough to see where this path takes me!

P.S. A few resources that have helped me so far include the works of Pema Chödrön, Jan Chozen Bays, and especially Tara Brach, whose Audio Dharma podcasts offer a wealth of guidance for mindfulness practitioners of all levels. Images: Emily Johnston Instagram